Help with Family Anxiety and Staying Sane
2020 has so far been a bit of a rough year for my children. At the start of the year a local high school in which 2 of my children attend experienced 6 deaths in 1 month due to various reasons. This greatly affected my older kids, especially my 17-year-old who happened to be best friends with one of the boys who passed away during this time. Just as we were starting to overcome some of the difficulties he was experiencing due to losing a close friend, our world as we knew it was turned upside down with schools closing, dad working from home and no physical contact with friends or family. This has definitely been a time of changes and there have been many blessings as well. My biggest concern through all of this is how to help my children stay healthy through all of this. How to lessen anxieties, depression and the frustrations of life-changing and patiently waiting for this virus to disseminate. This is one of the main reasons I wanted to start this blog. To have something to look forward to, to learn and share and to help others who might be experiencing the same things that our little family is experiencing at this time. We are now on week 1 of quarantine. Our kids are on their 1st week of school and surprisingly enjoying all the zoom lessons and online schooling. 
My oldest in college is frustrated with not being able to see her boyfriend for 2 weeks now and has been skyping nightly. Dad's office is now in the bedroom and we have all decided that having him home is one of the best parts of all of this. Although there have been times where we have definitely quarreled and snapped at each other we have seen a much greater closeness in our family. With 2 teens that in itself is a huge blessing.
KEEP A ROUTINE
Most of our days are pretty quiet with each of us doing our school work, employment or just resting during the day, but it's very easy for the monotony to cause the depression and anxiety to creep in. So how do we as a family calm our fears, manage the anxiety and stress and keep our hope for this all to end soon? Here are a few tips.
I am a routine type A personality, list-making junkie, most of the time this totally annoys my family but during this time it is something that has helped us stay on track, prevented us from being too lazy and keeping us busy. It also gives us a self of accomplishment when we are stuck within our home with not a lot of things to do.
Our routine consists of getting up in the morning at 7 am, meeting in the family room for family prayer and scripture study. After the kids and I do our daily chores, from your daily chore list,Fridays are our deep clean days and we do a little extra on these days. After our chores, we get dressed and start our school day about 9:30 am. All 3 of my kids are busy with school until about 2 pm, but we take a break for lunch at noon, after school, they have free time, at 5:30 pm we eat dinner, then after usually we play games as a family, watch a movie or just be together. Then they all have their normal bedtimes.It may help to print out a schedule (SEE LIST) and go over it as a family each morning or we do ours weekly on Sundays. Setting a timer will help kids know when activities are about to begin or end. Having regular reminders will help head off meltdowns when it’s time to transition from one thing to the next.
The experts all agree that setting and sticking to a regular routine schedule is key. I have 2 kids with ADHD and this helps them know what is expected and for them who do not do well with surprises, keeps them on track and gives them a sense of security.
Make sure you are getting exercise and spending quality time together.
This time more than ever we have been given the opportunity to spend undivided and uninterrupted time together. It is so important to use this time to build bonds and grow closer as a family, it is not often we are given an opportunity to do this. Use this time to try some new fun activities like puzzles, playing games, cooking together, planting seeds to sow later in the garden, writing letters to family members, learning new hobbies, watching family videos, etc..
Another great and very important thing is to make sure you are getting some sort of exercise. Exercise builds your immune system and keeps your lymph and organs healthy, not to mention building muscle and helping to keep the blues away. If you have a trampoline go outside and jump together, turn on a youtube video and exercise together, there are also some great meditation videos to help with anxiety and stress, go for a walk or bike-ride away from others. Have a dance-off (this is my daughter's favorite) and if you have pets make sure to include them too, they get cabin fever as well.
Being a child of the 80's I truly appreciate this:
David Anderson, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, recommends brainstorming ways to go “back to the 80s,” before the time of screen prevalence. “I’ve been asking parents to think about their favorite activities at summer camp or at home before screens,” he says. “They often then generate lists of arts and crafts activities, science projects, imaginary games, musical activities, board games, household projects, etc.”
Keep in check your own anxiety
It is hard to not let anxiety creep in right now, but how we handle our anxiety and stress completely affects our children. Keep your conversations as positive as you can when you are around your children. Don't fall into catastrophic thinking or doomsday talk. If you do find yourself feeling anxious try to avoid voicing your concerns with your kids around. The best remedy is to take a break and find a place where you can regroup and recharge. Maybe meditate, take a bath, go outside and listen to the birds or look at the stars, say a prayer, take a nap, try some deep breathing exercises, call a friend, write in a journal or whatever else you find that brings comfort and eases anxiety.
Limit Social Media and the News
This one is a BIG one! In the beginning, it was really hard for me to not want to stay connected and informed as to what the newest numbers were or what the reports were saying. As the weeks went on I found myself in thoughts of despair and depression, it was definitely affecting my family as well. So we made a conscious effort to limit and even discontinue the use of some media. Social Media especially Facebook is filled with so much misinformation it's very easy to get sucked in and have it consume all of your time and in return, you become more stressed and depressed. Not a very good payback, right? It is vital to keep your mental health in check analyze those things that are possibly causing you to lose sleep at night or that you are consistently thinking about and causing you to stress. Is it worth it? Decide to limit or turn off completely those things that are feeding your anxiety or your kid's anxiety. Turn the TV off, mute or unfollow certain friends who are prone to sharing panic-inducing posts, and if you find yourself stalling to push that button, or thinking you might miss out on something good. I promise you it will all still be there when this is all over.
Take a social media hiatus or make a point of following accounts that share content that takes your mind off the crisis, whether it’s about nature, art, baking or crafts.
Reach out to Family, Friends, Neighbors Virtually
It's important to keep your connections to the outside world during this time. Even if you are only able to call, text, email, skype or zoom, socializing is an important part of helping to regulate our moods and helping us to feel loved and others to feel loved as well. This is especially true for our kids as well.
I will be the first to say that limiting computer use for my kids is something that we fully believe and practice in our home. But allowing our kids to use skype, facetime, texting or zooming with their friends is so important right now. It can help with their loneliness and the stress that comes from being away from school, friends and their peers. It's also a great way to keep in touch with family members and especially our elderly family so that they can feel closer and less stressed as well.
Some ideas of using technology during this time would be to have your child read a story from a book to an elderly grandparent, sing songs together, draw pictures and send them through email or facetime or play games together virtually.
Plan future Event
Take this time to plan a family vacation, a trip to a museum, a birthday party or celebration or an upcoming local event. Making plans help to reiterate that this will not go on forever, it gives hope for the future and something to look forward to. It helps us visualize the future and uplifts our thoughts. There are so many things that are out of our control right now and a lot of scary stuff happening, by planning for future events this give us some control over something and we can mark it on our calendar to visually remind us. You can even do a countdown to help us realize that this will not go on forever. Now is a great time to make a family bucket list. 
Make sure your kids are involved as well with the planning, assign them things to do like preparing a budget for a trip, researching local events, or help with planning a vacation.
Make sure your kids are involved as well with the planning, assign them things to do like preparing a budget for a trip, researching local events, or help with planning a vacation.
Plan family fun days or movie nights, date nights, things to do while staying in that allows us to look forward to .
Check-in 
Daily check-in with your kids ask them "how are you doing today?" "ask them if they have any worries or concerns" Children may feel unsettled by changes that have been going on around them, different routines, not being able to see family or friends, or picking up on other family members' worries. Check-in periodically with them and have conversations with them to address their worries. but keep it age-appropriate and try to keep it as positive as you can. Expect that your child may have more tantrums, acting out, defiant, hyper, or out of character behaviors. Try your best to respond to them in a calm and comforting way. Have them journal or write down their feelings, if they are not able to write then have them draw a picture. Sometimes music is our best medicine, put on their favorite song or sing a song together. Although we need to social distance ourselves from others, within our own families we can hug, and there's not a better time than now to show your love to your children by hugging them regularly. This provides comfort and a connection with a sense of security, something that is so important at this time.
There are no perfect Parents
If you have someone at home with you such as a spouse or partner don't be afraid to ask for help. Share the responsibility of taking care of the kids together. Helping with schoolwork, housework or babysitting while the other one naps. Make sure you are getting breaks and having some time to yourself to help yourself recharge and keep your bucket full, this way you will have more to give.
Give the kids chores and jobs to do to help out as well. Working together helps to lighten the load and keep you from feeling overwhelmed. It also gives others the chance to serve and feel like they are a part of something and contributing to the household.
Hopefully, these little tips help your family. We are definitely taking things day by day as most everyone is at this time. If you have ideas or things that work within your family please share in the comments. We are all learning these things together.
Stay Safe and Stay in and especially Stay Sane :)
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